Day 5: Nothing productive has happened.. yet

When I first made the decision to delete all my games and to consciously try to not be drawn back to them, I thought I'd see a fairly quick journey into 'normality' by stereotypical family standards.

I would be going shopping after work for the groceries, spending my days off cycling around the local countryside with my family and even helping with the washing up after dinner.

I've actually spent more time on my mobile phone in the past 5 days than I think I have in the past 5 months. Candy Crush Saga and The Simpsons Tapped Out are my methadone to my PC gaming heroin. I can take solace in that these games can only be played so much that they become boring. I hope.

My mind seems to be subconsciously pouring itself into these trivial yet familiar diversions in an effort to not have to deal directly with the great void that has been left in my life by removing my only remaining past-time. I don't miss any particular 'game', I'm not itching to beat people at Smite or build a character on another MMORPG, it's the habit of when there is nothing critical to be done (eat, drink, toilet), I would trundle off to the computer room and pretend to study.

My PC has never been so well-maintained, 9-year old word files have gone and I've almost completely categorized my 30gb+ of family photos. I would imagine that me tinkering away on this machine is what it's like for someone who is giving up smoking to inhale second-hand smoke - I'm only a couple of clicks away from having a triple-A game installed and fired up with 5 people to chat with online. So close, so tempting. Got a light?

Day 4: Quitting computer games is like quitting drinking by dropping a nuke on the pub whilst all your best friends are inside.

I actually spent a good 3-4 minutes pacing up and down in my bedroom today while my fiance studied her accountancy bits and pieces, not knowing what to do with myself. It's not the games themselves I miss, it's the sociability (or lack thereof), of being online with people you know and that you can have a laugh with. Uninstalling all your computer games in this day and age is not quite as straight forward as locking away your Nintendo 15 years ago was.

I'm realizing now that, to some degree, I need to practically rebuild my life. A social life built around bits and bytes with people from all around the world needs to be substituted by real human contact and real hobbies - of which I have a fond memory from when I last gave up games 8 years ago!

It's not the same as giving up drinking, or smoking, because you can still speak with the same people - you can still go to the pub and you CAN just order an orange juice. Quitting computer games is like quitting drinking by dropping a nuke on the pub whilst all your best friends are inside.

I'm deleting all my computer games..

By the time I checked the clock, 4 hours had passed and I realize I'd wasted another day that I can't get back. I haven't helped clean up the kitchen or tidy up after my son has gone to bed and my missus is exhausted from a full day of Anthony-fueled hyperactivity.

Today I came to the sudden realization that computer games have taken up a large amount of my adult life, and I could be doing so much more worthwhile things than playing them. It's not enough for me to just 'stop playing', it's so easy to launch Teamspeak (voice chat like Skype) and speak with your friends that you've known for years and all start playing some games together in a relaxed and fun way. 

So, much to the dismay of my close online friends from www.icugaming.co.uk, I've started the process of deleting every single computer game on my PC. 

I'm not even safe from games such as Frontier Elite 2, released in 1993. I remember when this game arrived in the house when my father bought it very soon after it came out. He was a fan of the original game, Elite, whereas I got more into this.

I am telling you now, it takes up 20% of my monitor space but I could play this right now for 9 hours in a row if I was left to my own devices. 9 hours of staring at a square no bigger than my hand contributing ultimately to absolutely nothing other than to my increasingly bad metabolism.

I'm planning to start posting regular blogs to chart my progress, as I firmly believe I have a deep-set addiction that goes back to childhood and it needs sorting out. I have a day off tomorrow, 18+ hours awake without firing a laser or killing a fellow internet gaming person on my screen in this room. I don't know how it's going to work out..